I'm currently 16 years old. I've been born and raised in a Mormon/LDS family for my entire life.
When I was younger, I didn't really know about the concept of "being gay." I just thought that everyone grew up and got married. I didn't understand anything about love, intimacy, or attraction. I just thought that heterosexuality was just a natural part of life.
In about fifth grade or so, I noticed a few things were different. I would feel strange when a saw a shirtless man on TV or in a movie, I didn't have any friends, and felt confused about relationships in general. I was told that I would "see girls and women in different ways." But as time passed, it never happened.
Later down the road, I did learn about homosexuality. Since my parents were both strong Mormons, I was taught that it was "unnatural and not righteous" and that "Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father were disappointed in people who were gay." I took this to heart, and thought that gay people were silly and just didn't know what they were doing.
In about seventh grade or so, I began to develop subtle attractions to other boys. I still didn't have very many friends, so I just dismissed these feelings as just longing for friendship and solace. I would hear other boys talk about girls they thought were "hot." I would try to fill in the conversation as best as I could, but I just didn't understand it.
By the middle of my eighth grade year, I started to realize that maybe I was gay. Seeing as I still tried to be an active Mormon and respect my family's religion, I would just wave these desires off and just thought I was "confused." I surely couldn't be gay, it wasn't natural. Right?
Around the start of my ninth grade year, I decided to question some things. I still respected the religion I was a part of and the people within it, but it simply wasn't what I believed. I disagreed with them on several stances, one of them being gay marriage and relationships. I felt as though the guidelines and beliefs were too black-and-white and didn't allow for much freedom and personal decisions. I also felt that the concept of God and the afterlife was irrational.
I stopped going to church and church classes, which upset my parents. I explained that I didn't "hate" the religion itself, it just wasn't what I believed.
My freshman year was also the year that I became a large part of choir. I had been an avid singer before high school, but the experiences that I had and continue to have pushed me to want to be a singer as a full-time career.
At the start of my sophomore year of high school (my current year), I continued to immerse myself in choir and became friends with the tightly-knit group of people in choir. My closest friends were (and are) a close group of straight guys that I finally felt secure around.
But there was still something nagging. In seventh grade, I thought that my attraction to guys was a longing for friendship. But now that I did have friends, I realized that I was still attracted to other men.
These niggling doubts kept growing and growing. When my friends would talk about girls, I would feel uncomfortable and left out. I'd try to add to the conversation, but I'd just feel awkward and out-of-place.
Finally, these doubts just became too much.
Last October, I came out to my mom and dad. Neither of them were very accepting. They both still love and care for me, but do not accept my sexuality or religious beliefs.
About December, I came out to my friends. And gratefully, they all accepted me and still treat me mostly the same way. I get teased about it jokingly occasionally, but it's all fun.
About a month ago, I realized that I was in love with one of my best friends (a straight male) and decided to get it off my chest and tell him. Once again, he accepted me and still treats me the same to this very day.
I am grateful for the support that my friends have given me, and I hope that I'll live happily as a gay man for the rest of my life.
